Hugs to you, Hurting....
This religion very insidiously makes EVERYONE feel as if they are never good enough, never did enough, should do more, etc, etc..
I would think about doing what will make your kids feel the best, without compromising truth. Real truth is gold. You don't want them to go thru the confusion & guilt that you did, right?
All of us go thru that dilemma in or head of what will "wake them up" or "help them", & sometimes there is nothing... Just closure for us.. So, take a while to think about it, spend time enjoying your kids. Take it slow, bounce things off of people here.
Glad you can vent, hugs, cha ching!